The end of the fat me. The beginning of a better me.

Yesterday I decided (again), that it would be my last day gorging myself on crap. I felt sick all day, yet I ate peeps like it was my day job.

I had heartburn so bad that I’ve not had since I was pregnant. I felt bloated. Gross.

I also made the big mistake (?) in checking my blood sugar. And apparently attempting to go out in a diabetic coma bang was my mission.

I decided yesterday that starting today, no more sweets for a month. And limiting my diet soda from once a day to once a week. I also need to stop eating off of TheSmoosh’s plate.

The soda will be easy. The other two? Not so much.

My goal is to get thru the first week. After that it should be a piece of cake…. Pun intended.

But what solidified my determination was what I saw on the scale this morning…….

207.6

That’s almost a 4lb gain in a week!

So instead of crying & eating, I stepped off that scale more determined than ever.

Flashes of a diabetic lifestyle came into my head. Seeing TheSmoosh following my example of poor eating. Seeing myself continue to grow outward….

I need to stop now.

I need to better myself.

TheSmoosh deserves a mom who is a good role model.

TheHubs deserves a healthy and happy wife.

And I deserve all of that the most…

⚓️

I feel like I’m running a marathon and someone keeps moving the finish line

And that someone is me.

There’s a lot of things that seem to set me back.

Holidays go from a 1 meal event to a full blown weekend binge.

Birthdays are not birthdays, they’re birthweeks.

I get frustrated after a week of trying something new. And when I don’t see immediate results, I throw in the towel.

Last year, around this time, my goal was to be at goal weight by TheSmoosh’s 1st birthday. I was 30ish lbs shy of that goal.

But I had made progress, right?

Right.

Now I sit here and think, ‘if I had just pushed harder…’.

The only thing I can do now is push. Push myself to try to break lifelong bad habits of revolving everything around food.

Thankfully, Easter is the last real holiday til Halloween/thanksgiving. I’m going with just trying to minimize damage until Monday. Then I’ll weigh in Monday morning, put the scale away for atleast a week.

I need to stop moving that damn finish line.

It sure ain’t easy

There are times where I wonder if I’ll ever reach my goal weight. It seems no matter how hard I try, some days I slip. Sometimes it’s a little slip. Sometimes it’s huge.

I used to let a small slip turn into a big week long bingefest, because really – who restarts a diet on a Wednesday? Not this chick.

But I also beat myself up emotionally about the little missteps along the way. Almost too much. Which then makes me feel worse. And then I eat.

No one ever said losing weight was easy. This is fucking tough. And a long journey too. And people say the harder the battle, the sweeter victory is. But clearly they’ve never eaten Nutella.

So I really need to reevaluate myself. And how I deal with the missteps that WILL happen.

I need to learn from them. Make myself better. Make better choices. Allow myself to slip, but pick myself back up.

And realize that this journey will not be easy, but I can make it easier.

Feat of Strengths

So TheHubs is starting his hard core diet tomorrow….

So, that means I get sent on an ice cream run.

Now, I am at my daily points. Normally I’d say ‘screw this I’m eating ice cream’, but this time I thought ahead. I went in with my iPhone so I could calculate the points on a teensy tiny Haagen Daaz vanilla.

Now, normally, I’d just throw it in the basket, eat it at home, then calculate the points and cry. But not today.

Today, I calculate the points.

6 POINTS!!

Yeah, it went back in its cozy spot in the freezer and I grabbed the old stand-by – sugar free Fudgsicles.

This my friends, was a true feat of strengths.

Lesson Learned

Sometimes it just takes a bad week, I mean actually seeing it, to make you change.

Last week I tracked everything. EVERYTHING. Anything I ate, I logged it.

I was SHOCKED.

96 weeklies used. 96!

I was shocked and ashamed. THIS is why I’m stuck. All of those little ‘nibbles’ really added up.

But there was a positive… Look at my APs earned! It’s been a long time since I’ve hit that.

Keeping along the positives of my #100daysoflosing I’m looking for a positive to take out of last week.

And there are a few….

Preplanning as much as I can WILL save me.

Walking. Now that the weather is warmer (and by warmer I mean mid40s-50s), there’s NO excuse.

Cutting back on eating out. The past 2 weekends weve eaten out a lot more than usual. And I’ve paid dearly. So TheHubs & I agreed this weekend we will only go out once while running errands, as opposed to the 3-5 times we have done the past 2 weeks.

I have 92 days left of this #100daysoflosing & I plan to make them even more awesome than the first 8.

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Motivation tastes better than laziness

Last night we had Chinese buffet. And while I made some great choices there, buffets are point heavy. And I fully expected & planned for it.

But I didn’t plan for the aftermath at home.

Sea salt caramels.

Pistachios.

Coconut creme eggs.

So I calculated my points. Logged it. Pouted a bit.

Then went to bed.

This morning, I decided to NOT let it roll into today. Even with a ravioli, meat ball, sausage & garlic bread dinner in the works.

I made TheHubs & Smoosh their normal French toast breakfast. I ate my yogurt.

Now I’m writing this as I’m outside walking.

Small steps. But steps in the right direction.

I love/hate WW

Nothing is more defeating than feeling great about your food choices and seeing that you’re 5 points over your daily points.

Nothing.

I know part of it was a lack of planning on my part, but in the same respect… WTF?!

I know it’s ‘only’ 5 points. But it’s 5 points.

So it shows that I need to plan better. Prelogging my food has helped me before, so hopefully it still does.