In my closet sits a box of size 12 pants.
All brand new.
With the tags.
They’re circa 2003, so I’m sure they qualify as an antique.
Why are they still there? You ask.
Well, I’ll tell you why… Motivation. At least thats what I thought at the time when I shoved them into a rubbermaid tote and scrawled “SIZE 12 JEANS” on the side of the tote in a black Sharpie. Motivation.
I’m at that awkward between-sizes-I-live-in-maternity-jeans-and-yoga-pants phase, even 16 weeks post partum. Why? Because I hate the thought of spending money on new clothes that I don’t plan on wearing for very long. Since, you know, I want to lose weight.
However, this has been my conundrum for the past 10 years. Only it never works the way I want. I always have to buy a size up. I enter the vicious between pants size cycle… Let me break it down for you:
The Between Pants Size Cycle:
I barely fit into jeans.
I refuse to put my pants in the dryer, insisting thats why I can’t squeeze my size 22 ass into size 20 pants.
I buy yoga pants.
Yoga pants wear thru in the thighs.
I look at “SIZE 12 JEANS” tote and hope for motivation to knock the oreos out of my hand.
I eat the oreo.
Then more oreos….
I look at the “SIZE 12 JEANS’ tote. I vow to fit in them now.
I go to the gym.
I look at the scale. No change.
I look at the “SIZE 12 JEANS” tote, pull one out to discover it could fit on one thigh.
I eat an oreo.
Rinse and repeat…….
I blame the “SIZE 12 JEANS” tote on being both motivational and self esteem crushing. It’s funny how 9 letter and 2 numbers can have such a hold over my mentality.
Someone said to me once:
“Take out a pair of the jeans and hang them on the door”
As a constant reminder. For motivation? To make me feel bad that I’ve had them for 10 years and have never worn them?
For now, they sit on the top shelf of my closet. Gathering dust. In hopes that one day I’ll wear them. Or craft them into a fancy denim moomoo and vest ensemble.