I’m Always Looking Down, So I Forced Myself To Look Ahead…

I HATE mirrors.

Really, I do.

I avoid them at all costs. I’m happy that I’m short enough that the bathroom mirrors are high enough for me to see my nose and eyes. I’ve never bought a full length mirror. I HATE dressing rooms. I hate public restrooms and their large mirrors. I HATE that our guest room has a full length mirror on the back of the door. It’s the reason why it’s the guest room and not our bedroom. I’ve only used it briefly to take progress photos 4 times (we’ve lived here for 2 years).

I really do not like mirrors.

Part of it was I always felt I wasn’t worthy of staring at my reflection. I felt vain. Weird.

Which means I don’t see the progress. I don’t see what others see.

Because I spend my time looking down. With my chin to my chest, all I see is nothing. No change. Nothing. Just fat. I may have seen my feet once, but I’m still not sure.

So I made myself stand in front of that mirror. Not a 5 second trip to take a progress photo. But to stand there and LOOK. To look forward. To hold my head up. To see what everyone else seems to see and comment on. To see the changes. To see the progress.

To see me.

It was hard, and some what awkward to sit there and stare at myself. But I made myself stand there and hold my head up and look. And it was in those moments I started to see. To see what everyone else but me notices. To see my hard work. To see the sacrifices. The imperfections. The perfections.

It’s funny how your body changes from a sitting position to a standing position. How the rolls kind of smooth out. How my back is more straight. How my face thins out.

How much more confident I felt in that moment.

I spend so much time looking down and avoiding seeing myself that I lost sight of exactly how far I’ve come. While, yes, I am at the worlds worst plateau EVAR {atleast on the scale}, I do see the changes. Little ones, but they’re there.

Things that the scale doesn’t necessarily reflect.

And in those moments I suddenly was happy. Content. Pleased.

Motivated.

Seeing those changes in a different light has empowered me to focus less on the scale and more on the feeling. More on the sight.

I now will embrace the mirror. Spend a few seconds in the restrooms, maybe use a dressing room. I won’t shy away anymore.

And I’ll keep fighting to win this battle.

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