I Need To Figure This Out

I need to refocus.

I need to rekindle my passion. My love for losing weight. For getting healthier. For exercising.

For living.

I think part of the problem is that my life is consumed with weight loss. Buuuuuuut if I stray from the weight loss mentality, I gain. Fast. So I’m stuck in that “I’m motivated but not really but I am, but I am not. I don’t want to track food for the rest of my life, but I need stability” limbo.

So where do I start?

Do I refocus on sticking to WeightWatchers come hell or high water?

Do I focus on eating whole and as clean as possible?

Do I refocus on making my exercise part of my daily routine?

Do I do all three? Do I start with one?

I have no clue.

At all.

I feel stuck. Unmotivated. And I’m just seeing where this post leads my thoughts. Do I dare try not tracking {again} and focusing on my body? Because it seems like nothing is working, but I’ve also been quick to throw in the towel lately. Maybe I need to make myself stick to it. But then I think “I don’t want to be a slave to my tracker for the rest of my life”.

I see those that just watch what they eat & lose. And I’m jealous. Very. Jealous. Like really jealous.

How do I balance this and stay motivated?

Part of it is not seeing the loss on the scale. So then I get frustrated and eat. But I’m not giving myself the time {the precious time} to see things work. After a week and no loss, I’m quick to say ‘Screw you I’m not losing weight, I quit’.

And honestly, I’m too old for that shit.

I need to stop quitting. I have to keep plugging along.

I need that accountability that WW gives me, but I also need to give it/me time to work. And I need to do it 200%. I need to not give in if I don’t know the points. I need to stick to it. I need to marry it. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.

I need to grow up, suck it up, and just f’ing do it.

I keep losing days and weeks and months battling against myself instead of stepping out of my own way.

I can’t afford to lose that time anymore.

After rereading this over and over I realize I need to be more strict, more rigid on the program. I need to make every meal, snack, hour, day, week, month count.



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