I Don’t Even Know What I Look Like

It’s a level of body dysmorphia, I guess.

I keep seeing myself as the size 18//20 I was before I got pregnant and what I was shortly post partum. We only have one full length mirror in our house, in a guest room that we don’t use. All of the other mirrors in the bathrooms were hung by normal sized people so I only see from my nose up.

Which is good.

and bad.

I didn’t see the gains. I didn’t see my face almost doubling in size. My “apron” has also increased in size. And because I avoid my reflection, I didn’t see it. I didn’t see the changes.

Until I got infront of the mirror the other day. What I saw was not me. It couldn’t be. I couldn’t be THAT big. It just couldn’t be.

How did I let that happen? And even more importantly, why?

I’m ridiculously ashamed of what I’ve let myself become and it’s time to change it now.

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4 thoughts on “I Don’t Even Know What I Look Like

  1. Oh Mish- you are a strong, beautiful and amazing mother, friend, wife, etc. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. If you want to lose weight, just get back on track, don’t worry about past mistakes. Just get back on track and start chipping away!

  2. I think day in and day out we can lose ourselves. I think about how I avoid looking in the mirror sometimes because I know. My clothes fit different. I feel different but actually seeing it would make it a reality for me. “facing” it is a huge part of the battle.

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